Are we far enough along for everyone to have a favourite character?
Maybe not, but perhaps you have an inkling of who it might be. I found this and wanted to share. Obviously my favourite is Agent Cooper (my cat’s name is Agent Cooper, even), but in my heart, I identify more with the Sheriff Truman or Maddy Ferguson fan.
This week, we see Agent Cooper trying to follow his dreams (ha ha, see what I did there, ha ha, horrible) and also that Leo Johnson is verifiably A Bad Dude. Other things happen too, like with clues and shit. You know how it goes.
Episode 5: The One-Armed Man
First, let’s check in with the Palmer household! Sarah describes her sighting of Bob to Andy, moonlighting as police sketch artist. Sheriff Truman, Donna Hayward, Dr. Hayward, and Madeleine Ferguson are all there. I understand why Truman and Maddy are there, but I’m not too sure about the Haywards. Moral support for these trying times? Leland also stumbles in, wearing pajamas and a bathrobe. Leland tells everyone that though Sarah seems like she only saw this person one time, she actually had a vision of him twice. He says this like he is spilling a secret to be cruel or prove a point, and Sarah is upset he mentions it. This second vision was the scene we saw back a few episodes ago, with her screaming as a hand takes James’ buried necklace from under the special hiding place rock in the woods.
*imagines a squirrel now running around the woods wearing half of a Best Friends necklace*
Andy and Truman return to the sheriff department. Lucy is mad at Andy, wouldn’t even let him spend the night. He has no idea why, because Andy is a sweetie but a boob. Did you guys know they were a couple before now? I got vibes, but I thought maybe they just had workplace sexual tension. Their relationship seems to be nothing new to anyone in the show.
In the conference room, Coop interviews Dr. Jacoby to little success. Jacoby wears what looks to me like 3-D lenses in real sunglasses frames and does stupid magic tricks. Actually they are kind of good magic tricks; I was rude to say otherwise. Coop asks if Laura was seeing him because of coke addiction. Jacoby says he can’t quite answer because of doctor-patient confidentiality. Coop asks then if Laura was seeing him because she was having problems. Jacoby says oh hell yes. Coop asks if they were sexual problems. Jacoby says our whole society has sexual problems.
The conversation continues in this same tone, with Coop asking specific answers and Jacoby evading. Coop asks why he won’t help them. Jacoby says he will be making his own “investigation” into Laura for probably the rest of his life, because being unable to break through to her in six months makes him a failure.
Sheriff Truman comes in, and Cooper asks a tough, uncomfortable question: Laura had sex with three men the night she was killed; was Jacoby one of them? I was surprised he asked that, but maybe just because it seemed tawdry. Murder investigations don’t have to be polite, I guess. Jacoby says no and offers no further information on that question, but he does give some good info when Coop asks who killed her. The night after she died, Jacoby followed a man in a red corvette that Laura had talked about before. Jacoby says he can’t say any more. Jacoby heads out.
I keep talking about Jacoby’s appearance, I know, but wowee zowee, those glasses! The most stylish way to have a headache all the time.
After he’s gone, Coop asks Tru if Leo drives a red Corvette. Yep! All small-town drug dealers do. On speaker in the conference room, Truman and Cooper listen to test results on Laura’s body, courtesy of Cooper’s boss, Gordon Cole. The scratches and such on her shoulders were bird bites and scratches, weird. They are working on reconstructing the plastic thing from her stomach. As far as Albert fighting with Truman, Coop backs up Tru, but Albert wants to file with the US attorney and get Tru fired and whatnot. Cooper is not interested in talking about it. After the call, Tru thanks him. Coop tells him to not worry his handsome little head about it.
Andy comes in with the sketch from Sarah’s vision, and turns out Coop saw this same man in his dream! Deputy Hawk calls and says he spotted the One-Armed Man out at the Timber Falls Motel. Let’s go, shall we?
Before we leave, pause to appraise Andy’s art skills. Not too bad. B+. Email me or comment your grade for Andy.
Seems like the whole world is out at this motel! Josie is spying, taking pictures. Catherine and Benjamin are having a romantic tryst. Presumably Josie is spying on their romancing. Catherine and Benjamin engage in their favourite pillowtalk: talking about burning up that damned mill. Catherine tells Benjamin that the cooked book is in her hiding spot, and they explicitly discuss framing Josie for burning up the bankrupt mill. I need things like this spelled out for me, also things like how the weird-shaped, baffling piece of furniture with the hiding space is just a desk. She tells Benjamin the cooked book is in there, in a drop bottom drawer.
Shortly after the pair note the arrival of Sheriff Dept and Co, Horne goes to take a shower, and Catherine checks out the One-Eyed Jack’s chip that fell out of his pocket.
Catherine does not seem the type to be okay with her man having extracurricular sexual activity, but maybe she’d be into it.
Once Andy, Truman, and Cooper all arrive at the motel, Hawk meets them and everyone goes to bust into the one-armed man, Philip Gerard’s, room. Andy drops his gun and it goes off outside the room. They yell for the guy a couple times, but then break into the room. The one-armed man wears nothing but a towel and a look of shock. They show him the Bob sketch, and while he says he doesn’t know this guy, his best friend is a guy named Bob Lydecker. A veterinarian. In a coma. From a bar fight. I’d be friends with Bob Lydecker too. Hawk checks out Gerard’s driving/arrest record and car, but everything seems clean. Coop asks if the arm he doesn’t have, had a tattoo. It did, it said “MOM.” Outside, Hawk tells Tru Josie was at the motel when he arrived.
Over at Twin Peaks High School, Donna and Audrey just happen to each be hanging out in the school bathroom. Audrey is smoking in there and Donna is doing her makeup. They chat in a friendly way, mostly about Laura. Audrey wants to investigate Laura so she can make breakthroughs in the case and make Agent Cooper into her. Ugh. Donna is surprised how many of Laura’s “secrets” Audrey already knows, almost like they weren’t actually secrets. Audrey shares that she is pretty sure Dr. Jacoby was treating Laura (she knows this from a scene where she spied on him last episode; it was super short and messed up my flow so I didn’t include it, sry), also that Laura might have been involved with One-Eyed Jack’s. Donna says it could explain some stuff, her working there. Her collection of doily-like lingerie, perhaps?
So! Donna makes a secret investigation pact with Audrey. Will she tell her new beau James? Seems like they have their own secret investigation pact. Audrey suggests the perfume counter as a place to start since Ronnette and Laura both worked there.
She’s an awful person, but so stylish and smart.
Over at the prison, wherever that is, Norma arrives for her husband Hank’s parole hearing. I also didn’t mention this last episode because it was a short scene and awkward to fit in, but he is in there for manslaughter and Norma is going to hook him up with a job at the Double R, which she owns, if he gets out. Hank and Norma don’t look jazzed to see each other. He pleads with her to back him up at the hearing and help him get out and once he does, he will change, blah blah blah. She backs him up at the parole hearing, but she seems unenthused.
Very diverse parole board.
Not at the motel, the prison, the high school, or anywhere else we have been, Coop and Tru stop the car off at the One Stop, right in front of the gas pump, though they are going into Lydecker’s vet office. Pretty rude to block the pump. The office receptionist confirms the Bob picture is not Dr. Lydecker. Coop decides the bird that attacked Laura is a client of this office and tells the receptionist they are confiscating their files.
Meanwhile, Bobby and Shelly make out on a chair at her house. As they make out, they chit-chat, conversation eventually turning to Leo. Bobby wants to know where he is, and when Shelly says he is with Jacques, Bobby gets stressed out. He lays on Shelly that Leo and Jacques are running drugs across the border and selling them at the school, probably he thinks even to Laura, gasp. He notably leaves out his involvement in any of this. Shelly shows Bobby the bloody shirt that was in Leo’s truck two days after Laura’s murder. Bobby is psyched, but Shelly doesn’t really know why. He tells her he’s taking the shirt and she should forget about it. She shows him her little gun.
She wants Bobby to show her his little gun! *chortle snort wheeze*
Truman and Cooper drop tons of vet records in the conference room at the sheriff’s department, then head downstairs to the basement gun range. Since Andy fucked up like that with his gun, Coop wants to check in on everyone’s skills. Coop casually asks Andy how long Lucy has been mad at him, since naturally Coop can tell. Andy has no idea why, and we learn that Deputy Hawk is seeing a Dr. Shapiro. Cute! Good for him. Everyone’s shooting skills are like their lady skills: Andy totally sucks and Hawk is pretty great at it; Truman is good too, and Cooper is preternaturally good. Lucy calls them back upstairs to help with files.
The Double R Diner has Shelly storming in. She is annoyed Leo is around and her husband, a situation she and Norma can share. Shelly asks how Hank’s hearing went and if Norma let him know she is divorcing him for Ed. Ha ha, no, she has not exactly said as much, per se.
James busts into the Double R to call Donna from a payphone. I guess he calls just for the sake of calling, as he doesn’t seem to have anything to say. Donna says she needs to talk to James about some shit she discovered about Laura. They plan to meet up later. Maddy showed up while he was on the phone, and after the call ends, James walks up and stares hard. They introduce themselves, and Maddy acknowledges she and Laura look a lot alike. Norma gets a call that Hank’s parole is a go and he will be out soon.
The good times are over, Homestar Runner.
At the Great Northern, Benjamin Horne toils aboard an exercise bike in front of a roaring fire while talking to Norwegians about another deal. Audrey creeps in to do some manipulating. Audrey says she wants to change her life to not be such an unreliable, shitty person and help him with the family business. Benjamin is skeptical, but Audrey turns on the tears, saying that Laura suddenly getting killed makes her want to shape up.
After a while, he finally believes her. She says she would like to start idk, maybe, like, at the department store? Cosmetics maybe? Perfume? She lays on a killer phrase to seal the deal, pleading, “Please let me be your daughter again.” They seal the deal with a hug. It is kind of sad she is lying. Or mostly lying. A call comes, and he tells her he’s got to take it, implying get lost. He tells the caller to meet him down by the river in a half hour and be discreet.
Let’s get those test results! Gordon Cole calls up the sheriff’s department again and shares that the bites and marks come more specifically from a myna bird and the plastic J appears to be from a poker chip, a One-Eyed Jack’s Poker chip as we call can assume. Just to put a bow on all this, Andy finds in the vet records a myna bird named Waldo, owned by Jacques Renault. They head out to the apartment building where Jacques lives, happening to arrive while Bobby is there. He climbs out the back window and runs away. Coop finds Leo Johnson’s bloody shirt in the apartment.
Genius. Criminal mastermind.
By the river, Leo and his Corvette meet up with Benjamin Horne. Benjamin scolds him for the bright red car and other things. Turns out Hank vouched for Leo to Benjamin. Benjamin blames some of Leo’s failings on being in business with a couple dodos. Leo reveals at least one dodo is dead, as Bernard’s body lies right beside them and Jacques will be “staying in Canada” from now on. Ben tells Leo to set the mill on fire three nights from now.
My least favourite pairing of the show, even if Leo did dress for this date by matching his shirt with his car.
Thirty feet or 25 miles away, Donna and James go out to the woods to see if his necklace is there still, since based on Sarah’s vision it was taken. The necklace is not there. Donna surmises someone must have followed them when they buried it. James gets emotional about the whole thing, and they kiss over the missing necklace spot. Always kissing, these two.
At the Martell house, Josie gets a call from Tru. He says they can’t hang out tonight because there’s been a break in Laura’s case. Josie says she needs to talk to him, but when he asks about her being at the motel, she says she has to go, bye, hangs up. Josie finds a letter in a stack of mail on the counter… It is a drawing of a domino. She walks into the study and the phone rings. It is Hank, wanting to know if she got his message. He chews on a domino, in jail. Josie seems troubled and we go to credits.
Extra troubled, the very most troubled.
Who do you guys think will end up dead first, Leo, Bobby, or Josie?
Last episode I was thinking Leo or Bobby, and now I am not sure. I know Josie is not definitively part of the baddie squad (but with that Hank call, what if she is semi-baddie?), but she seems very worried about her life and with good reason. Catherine and Benjamin are a sinister power couple and now Leo’s hateful ass is involved too. Maybe this will be a lot of threats coming to nothing, though.
This episode saw relationships between characters and characters themselves continue to develop, forming a tapestry of weirdos flapping in a capricious breeze of drugs, intrigue, murder, and the hint of supernatural forces in the woods. We did make it through an entire episode without coffee, donuts, or pie, and only vague references to spooky, supernatural things. Hopefully we’ll get back on track with that next episode, not because the soapy, crime vibe isn’t doing it for me, but because I have a powerful lust for coffee, donuts, pie, and spooky, supernatural things.
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